Life Is A Paradox

I never knew what life looked like, until recently I began to uncover it. It's extremely cruel and to make things worst, it has no mercy on us. I'm really confused about life now.People are insane.

To judge a person, it is as difficult as estimating the distance of the earth and moon. People are so complicated and their actions towards one another is just sometimes unexplainable. For the pass weeks, trust has been the major think-about-topic at most of my free time. People around me has multiple behaviours and subtle characters. It's so difficult to understand them and know anything about them. Personally, I have been very used relying on people around especially friends and I had no trouble mingling with them, but now it seems like the hardest thing to do. Is it because of me or them?

Friends, where I would say that the strongest love where one could find and it means everything to all of us. Trust me you can't even find this intense love with your life partner. Now, everything seems upside down. The people who we love, care, hug, even feed them could betray the friendship love. Not indirectly, but directly just like stabbing a knife into your heart. These people who I would say feeling-less and doesn't understand the what friendship is has been a nuisance in my life. Now, believing in someone seems like a fictional word. That's how terrible it is life's trust responded to me.

For now, I'm still trying my best to learn myself and also life. I hope I'll make through it. Everything around me is not as what it is. I tried my best to adapt to the surrounding by not being myself and that certainly didn't help me a bit. So, I'm back to my self and gonna instill a tremendous amount of toleration towards others and still believe that life will responds well to me. Everything seems unreal now. From what had happened, I even mistrust myself and that seriously brought me down. As I said I'm just gonna be in myself and strive all the way for my goals and dreams. I'm not gonna let anyone to distract me from my goal, even life itself! Well, Shakespeare was true.

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

I'm On The Right Track

Life has been extremely tiring here at college. Have to put a lot of effort for the tests. I just finished my test on last friday and gonna have mid-sem in two weeks time. For the pass weeks, i've not been getting enough of sleep and also had stayed awake for more than 24 hours with the help of caffeine of course. Now, im feeling good coz even though my schedule is hectic,Ii managed my time well. In the midst of everything, we have been entertaining ourselves and also on our fitness. I think it's important for my health.

I'm still gonna talk about life in college coz everyday i learn new things. Friends here are Awesome now! I realized that i have to change my self in order to attract awesome people. My roommates are awesome. We are all big eaters! My classmates are awesome too. I pretty much can get along with all of them. But, still, trust is an issue for me. For me, trusting a person is like giving yourself to one. Primarily, trusting must be mutual, it does not work on one way. To gain someone's trust is not an easy thing. This topic seems to be unimportant, but it may cause you a serious impact on you. To learn what trust is, one have to experience distrust. This is what i've learned so far. First and foremost, to understand trust, one have to trust oneself. We have to believe in ourselves.

Exam's is in two weeks and there's a lot to study. 4 subjects-Psychology, Math, Biology and IT. A lot has to be done and i believe I can manage through it, somehow. The only thing is bothering me is having a wide 360* freedom. Freedom is another topic to be managed. Got to sleep, chow.

Friends

For the pass weeks. I've been having good and depressing time at my college. I realized that it's because of me hardly getting use to with my friends there. All of them are very nice, it's just that they are very different from my pass friends. I expected them to be just like them, but I was wrong. I cracked joke as what I used to do and ending up making them to feel terribly bad. That made me to feel bad too. I was in depression. I know it sounds stupid, but it really does affect me coz I feel it's my fault. For a few days, I kept thinkin of that and plus I'm misin home and my friends, all that made me feel worst. Music helped me a lot to get through it. Thank god it doesn't last long. My house mates and my chinese friends are great. They cheered me up and I finally realized being sad does no good. All of these happen coz i've been too dependent on my friends. Everything I do involves my friends. Now, I have to fully rely on myself and understand that this is no more high school where everything will be spoon-fed. My policy now is to rely on myself fully and not on anyone else.

Last week, it was our test week. Very fast right? We have English, Math And IT tests. All the tests are completely different than what is in high school. It's damn hard in a sense that understanding is not enough, memorization is what counts. I've never used to pressurize my brain by memorizing, but for this test I had to do. I pushed myself to the limit. Every night I stay awake on an average of 1AM. Until for the IT paper, I literally died. Can u imagine what u have been doing practically has to be done in theory? Everything needs to be memorize, Everything. For some of the students, it was easy. For me it was a definite no easy task. But I tried and pushed myself to the limit. I drank two sachets of coffee on the night before the IT test. Studies up to 5.30am till I feel like fainting and I had no choice other than going to bed. I slept for about an hour and a half. It made me to feel better. I would say that on that day, I studied the most in my entire life. Haha! But still, I kept reminding myself that this is just the beginning and I have to adjust a right schedule so that I can take care of my health at the same time.

I have one week break and I'm gonna rest at home and get enough of rest and enjoy the holidays:)

Back!

I'm updating my blog after about a year. I read my friend's blog and I just feel like updating it.
The SPM is finally over and I was wrong coz I thought that life over the war was beautiful and free of dangers. The truth is, 2011. is the real life that I have to face. Yes, I have 100% freedom, but you know, anything that is too much is useless. Life has to be balance. I've been working for about 2 months at Jusco Bukit Indah. The experience that I obtained there was priceless. I learnt the poker face(s) of people. I also learnt how to win a customer's mind and the variations of people in this world is wide. I never thought that before. Bad people, good people, you name it. After 2 months, i stopped my job and I enjoyed the money. Life was great then. But, I was wrong again. Soon, the money depletes.

April, I enrolled in Masterskill University in JB to do my Foundation In Health Sciences. There another new life i have to pass. Everything was new, new friends, new teachers, new studying environment, EVERYTHING. I had a hard time getting use to not being with my friends. But you know, at one point of your life, acceptance creeps in. I have to accept that I can't meet the old friend's as I use to. In future, maybe we can only meet a couple of times in a year, I tried my best to keep in touch with my friends but they seem to be very busy. At this new college life, I thought that I was already mature, but I was wrong again. I'm still a young boy who know's nothing much about the world. My new friend's made me realize that coz they are much elder than me. This also made me realized that age will make one to be more mature.

I learn lessons everyday, and I'm gonna continue to try to make my life perfect even though the world believes that nobody's perfect. My one and only best friend is my music. Music is my motivator, my life, my best friend, my love and my everything. I also realize that I don't need anyone to make me happy. All I have is myself and I'm gonna live through it. To my friends, good luck in your future. The happy times together that we have spent will always be in my heart.

SPM

Let's face the war!
Here I come.......

Deja Vu

this post is based on my deep honesty and love

Well, woke up at 4.30a.m to rewrite the script. We only got to rehearse one day for the script. I mean including the making of it. Eve and I did pretty well on it.

Went to school with my traditional Punjabi attire which named 'Kurta', for those of you who didn't know. And it was like 'Deja vu'. It reminds me of the Bulan Kebudayaan Melayu. I felt like I've managed to rewind the time back to the start. That's a good feeling. I prepared the script with Eve and we managed to crack some 'funny' jokes. But there were a little mistakes here and there, but I think based on the overall view of the event, it was spectacular. We also manage to tribute to Michael Jackson.

The Bangra performance which was performed by a group named Joshiley(hope I got their name right), did a great job. Everyone enjoyed their performance. The did a wonderful job. Not forgetting our very own Kebudayaan Group, dance gracefully with the song Dhoom Taana. Credits to Encik Mazlan...

And finally I would like to thank to all of the teachers, especially the indian teachers who has tried their very best to make this event a joyful and a happening one.

All in all, nothing can be compared from the Bulan Kebudayaan Melayu performance. That was the best! I enjoyed our drama with my fellow mates. I missed them. All of them! I juz wished we could do that again...

The memories which is in my mind, will always remain in my mind for the rest of my life. I will never forget my wife too...haha! I'm proudly saying that, even though 99% are malays, we get along well! I juz truly love them! I hope we'll keep in touch once we leave school and we will remain like a family. Let's instill the One Malaysia spirit in us and treat everyone equally. Enjoy the pictures.......

 Anil and Fida

Eve and Me

Me, Nisha, Jess, Anand, and Anil

Me and bro

Jess and Me

More on FB....

Had another good time today...

I love everyone

Back To School

 Friday
Based on the two-weeks school holidays, last Friday was the only day I felt boring. I felt useless and disgusted, for no apparent reason. I bacame agitated with everything-->computer, food, TV. I was totally out of control! Then I decided to call my friend, Amir. I asked him whether I can go to his house or not.  He said yea! So I walked to his house. When I reached at his hse, we decided to walk. Like go for a long walk. We called Daniel too and he joined us. Ridhwan went to Jusco shopping, so he couldn't join us. We started our journey right-away.

During our journey, my stomach grumbled and asked for food. Due to my severe 'can't stand hunger' thing, we headed towards 7/11 and bought breads. I ate all of them! We continued our journey. This time we ventured into a new place, somewhere at the Sutera, where there's a school. We entered into the jungle and had a pretty tough time as there weren't an trails for us to follow. We literally made our own trail. We managed to escape from that so called jungle and we cheered for our accomplishment. Once we are out, we headed towars Kg. Bakar Batu. I've been there b4, but not by foot.

So we walked further and once we are in that area, we sensed a 'kampung' feeling. Everything was old there, I mean the houses, the stalls, stuff like that and there were cows wondering around. The people there was indigenous as well, not all. Some were very dirty looking. We spotted some of the orang asli drinking Carlsberg. I think, that's pretty cool! haha...

As planned we got back home by 7. That journey gave us a good experience and a sense of accomplishment.

 Saturday
Woke up at 11 and watched movie. By 2 got ready to go to Balqis' house. She was celebrating her birthday. So she had a small party where her close friends were invited. I was astonish to see her house cos it is walking distance from my house. And her how is beautiful. It's so huge and 'looks expensive'(i can't find a right word). We all felt like 'home' when we were there. Too cosy....camwhored and enjoyed the food there. Ate so many meatballs. And went back home for Father's Day party at night at cousin's place.

The party was fun as we had a family gathering. So I got to meet all  of my uncles and aunties. We had a beautiful time being together. It's so nice to see us being together, again. We danced, played games, ate fabulous food, get intoxicated(take me out of that list) and chatted together. It was a joyful night. Suddenly someone came out with a plan, 'let's go to Kota Tinggi tomorrow'. I anticipated that this trip would be boring and I wasn't enthusiastic about it. Well, family comes first after all. So I follow them.

  Sunday
Guess what? We had a gala time once again. The waterfall was so soothing to see and the air was so fresh there. Food wise, no problem, there were plenty of them. Drinks was less, not much plain water. We manage to get over it till i over-drank water..LOL..

Went back home by 5 but reached home at 7 cos we went to the restaurant to take our dinner. The waiter there had a massive problem due to an unsystematic way of ordering. As a result he kept bringing food which was not ordered. However, me managed to eat it. We were tired after that and waited to go home. As I got back home I watched Kick-Ass and Sex And The City 1. Had a good laugh watching these movies.....
Overall, I had a nice and splendid holidays with my friends and family. I'm grateful that I spent my holidays with the thing I have always wished to do.....

Amin, Logman, me, Qayum