Saturday, November 17, 2012


Waking up to this beautiful morning siping my cup of tea with Radiohead seems perfect. Well it seems like a cliche, but it's truly is. Relaxing alone at hostel here feel so good. Everyhing in the house the chairs, fan and even these tiny particles of dust seem like a friend to me. Pondering back on what's life is, maybe this is. In other words i'm just accepting what life has to offer me and move by it. Move along with it without regression or any negativity. This way life seem like a flowing water in a stream. Maybe this is how my life needs to be lead on. Well, 5 more years to go for my studies and I'm gonna make sure it's a worthful journey where one day I can sit and say, yes I had it. Well this is my current definition of life and I believe doesn't matter what definition lies in your head the most important thing is one feel happy and I'm happy. That's pretty much.
Have a pleasant day everyone :)

Saturday, April 21, 2012


Sitting here at home feeling feeling-less. I really don't know how to express this feelings in words or in any form of medium. It's completely bizarre and unexplainable yet i feel so comfortable in it. It's just that I've been so use-to or I would say, I've adapted to live in this kind of situation. But even I'm very comfortable with this feelings, yet I still feel the emptiness screaming right through my lungs and it urges me to do something. It's so complicated. For a moment the feelings I'm having now seems nice and for the next second it feels all so wrong. I kept wondering of the situation I'm in.

I realized that it's just that all of my feelings and emotions have been tangled and it complicates my mind to identify it. So all these while I've been having mixed feelings. It's just like you having an enormous amount of pain in your body, just that your pain receptors have been removed. BUT other receptors are still there.

In a month time, college will be over. Another new beginning. For a moment, it feels all wonderful and exciting venturing into another new world, but for the next moment it feels all scary, when fear creeps in. This is the reality. Fear is in everyone's mind. What keeps me going is the future. I keep reminding myself what lie in front of me, to keep moving, and moving forward. Though there are many obstacles on my way, but due to my pain adaptability, I've learn to keep moving. After college, approximately I have about 5 months to degree. It gonna be a hell of long months deciding my future, career, dreams, my life. Pretty much I have one last chance to choose the best course for me to venture. Then, I'm an all a grown up man. I can feel that I'm growing, but I'm afraid that I might lose my childishness in it. You know they say' grow up dude or be a man!' Certainly, they don't know what it takes to me be a man nor they know what it takes to be a child. In other words, I'm not ready to grow up. I still wanna be a kid.

It's easier to be a kid. You don't have to deal with much stuffs. Being a man is about facing the world, managing your self while no one's around you, basically it's just you and the world. Sounds scary isn't. Hell yea! It it a hell of scary ride. One advice, ride the roller coaster alone. ALONE. Makes sure there's no one on your side. If you insist on having someone, get a pet or a teddy maybe. Never bring another human being with you, it's only 10% of survival if you bring another person with you. The point is, never trust anyone.

College-->final exams is around the corner. Honestly, I'm not ready at all. I kept going on saying this to myself, ' It's just one freaking month left. One Damn Month, then the world is yours'. It doesn't help much, but it does a little.

My life goal, be awesome, be happy and enjoy. Simple as that. That's what I'm gonna work towards. Whatever I become, a doctor, an astronaut, a teacher, an artist, a singer, or a garbage collector, my goal remains the same.

It's 1.52am and I'm chilling with awesome music on hitz. It feels so good. I'm kinda sleepy too. Not really sure what I just blabbered up there. Anyway here is a song that describes my feelings. Enjoy :)

Just have a little patience
I'm still hurting from a love I lost
I'm feeling your frustration
Any minute all the pain will stop.

Just hold me close inside your arms tonight
Don't be too hard on my emotions.

Need time
My heart is numb, has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
Just try and have a little patience.

I really wanna start over again
I know you wanna be my salvation
The one that I can always depend.

I'll try to be strong
Believe me I'm trying to move on
It's complicated but understand me.

'Cause the scars run so deep
It's been hard but I have to believe
Just have a little patience [x2]

Have a little patience
My heart is numb, has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try and have a little patience

Friday, March 16, 2012

Love and Sex

Is love sex or is sex love or sex and love lie in separate places. I'm completely confused with this.
The reason for this post is to capture my current thoughts or I would say my innocent mindset before venturing deeper into sex and love. I'm very immature in these issues. Why need sex if there's love and why need love if there's sex.

Undoubtedly, sex is the basic need of humans. And love is the essence of life. Directly by this way they are interrelated. Plus, we are built with sex hormones and this proves that sex is in our blood. The primary use of sex is for reproduction. But I believe that sex has been misused by us.
Here comes again the basic human attitude, greed, desperation, the wanting of more and more, pleasure, dominance, being more powerful. Talking about sex is never ending thing because one topic will always lead to another which is gonna go on and on. Is caring about someone is called love? I just don't know where to start and where to end.

Love is said to be the most beautiful thing on earth and some would say sex is awesome, but why do people suffer and many other problems evolved in life when sex and love is involve?

Let's go back to the start, love. People defines love is many ways but no one can exactly define love because love is a very subjective thing. If love is so hard to define, then what is the act of love?
Is helping someone with all their full willingness and with an open heart is love
or is sacrificing something you love for another thing is called love?
or saving up money to buy something that you like?
or beating your child to make him a better person
or spending time with the close ones is called love?

I have no definite answer but time is something very interesting. Most people will appreciate a lot if one spent time with them. Or if one dedicates his or her time to something or to a person. I.e. A teacher who works really hard and sacrifices her time for her student just to make sure the students are able to score good grades in exams. What is the teacher's act shows? Well some would say dedication, hard work, responsibility. But the bottom line of the teacher’s act is love. Without love many acts would not be possible.

On the other hand, what about sex? Is the act of sex is a product of love? Or sex is just the sake of sex which lie among our desire to eat, sleep and of course the most important thing for us is to breath. The question is where does sex lies? If sex is very important, how monks manage to restrain themselves from sex? Here comes another question? If people are able to restrain themselves from sex, it might as well as we can restrain from food?

At least this can be explained. The principle is simple, no food we die, no air we die, no sleep also we will die. No sex, are we gonna die???
Honestly, I’m not gonna know the real meaning and desire of sex because I’m not sexually oriented and I think I’m still too young for it. I’ve heard this before, if one understands one’s sexuality completely, he/she understands that person entirely. This statement is very powerful. It says that you can actually study a person through sex. That’s really interesting. There are many pros and cons of this act. Firstly, to be able to engage in sexual activity, one must find the right partner. That takes a lot of intelligence and patients. Plus pick-up lines are also imperative here. First impressions, looks, the way we speak, our presentation, body language, hairstyle, and every tiny details of ourselves.
Well please don’t judge me much based on this post. It’s just the manifestations of my doubts and confusion. The only way for me to learn about all this is to actually experiencing it. And I believe the right time will come soon. It can’t be denied that everyone has sexual desires, just that some are just too open or some are too shy to express it or some are just not normal.

Eventually everyone have to go through this face. It’s a dangerous face as exploring one’s sexuality is the ultimate understanding of oneself. Explore yourself well and take extra precautions on this issue because they are many bad people out there. After all, its apart of life. Experience it, learn it, and have fun with it. Cheers:)