Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Baby Steps

Its been a while since blog. Lately I feel that I've been shy to express my thoughts. Not sure why, maybe just the circumstance I am in. 

For the first time I'm completely lost of words on describing my situation now. I just don't know what to say. For the pass months i've been brainstorming with myself in reasoning out what's really going on in my life, certainly I failed to find an answer. So I decided to sit down and ask myself one more time, what's the matter to me? And i figured..

Life is like staircase. Each step you take you will be on a higher level. From childhood and here I am now doing my Medical Degree. It seems surreal to me. Everything had happen so fast. The jouney moved so fast from kindergarden, primary school, secondary school and here I am, University. Finally I'm realizing that I've grown to a freaking 70kg man. OMG I still can't believe it. 

Sorry for exaggeration, but I really do mean it. Well, that's the first thing I realized. Next the problem I'm facing now is my stupid brains not letting me accept this situation and act like one. Yes I still act like a kid. Like a kid! I know it sounds petty to you, but this is why I have not been feeling complete. My thoughts do not correspond to my behavior. Ahh damn it! I feel like a kid. I can't help it. Or maybe I just am. 

After recalibrating my thoughts like a million times, yes this is the problem, acceptance. I have not been accepting this phase of transition of my life. That's it why I feel out of place. Yes I'm irresponsible, arrogant, dependent, lazy, stagnant, boring and dumb. 

This has been bothering me lot. People underestimating me, downgrading me, treating me unfairly. Damn i tell you, you don't know how that feels. Living in a place of which fills with adults, at least that's what they think about themselves. I don't know their true-self, but for me I'm struggling in between maturity and immaturity . Probably everyone goes through this phase, maybe it's just me not being able to adapt in this current situation. Either way, I have to take a step onto the next level. If not I'm gonna be the remora fish of  the shark.

Damn, I've crapped to much. I just need to stay focus and just keep moving towards my goals which is to become what I wish for. Anyway, gtg.

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